To be clear, I don't spend all my time thinking about Mother's Day, but I do think about my mother much of the time. Most thoughts are tinged with sadness and worry. Some memories are tinted with humour.
I avoid Facebook on Mother's Day, the Eve and Boxing Day aren't safe either. It all makes me feel like an emotional Scrooge, exhausted and spent. I had almost forgotten about the day, but in the lead up I had a crushing headache and inexplicable cramps and pains - the body will always remember what the mind would prefer to forget.
Here then are a few beautifully written articles that I use as heartbalms; there is one about cutting off contact with a toxic mother, another on understanding the harm inflicted from infancy, and also a book on undoing the damage. And this gorgeous piece is about grieving the loss of a loved and loving mother, plus read everything by Cheryl Strayed. Start with The Love of My Life. Some music to soothe the savaged beasty soul, too.
As George Saunders wrote, "Stay open, forever, so open it hurts and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen."
Verily. Truly. Amen to that.